Tis Better to Have Loved and Lost Than to Never of Loved at All

Written by: LW

        I used to have a many friends at school. We would hang out every lunch, talk about boys and the latest gossip. We were just your average stereotypical white girls, that is at least until I met him and completely ignored my friends. His name was Josh and he was three years older than me, which didn’t bother me but my parents weren’t too happy about it. He was also a basic hockey boy, or if I’m being completely honest a complete flirt, meaning he didn’t have a good history with girls, but to be fair I hadn’t had the best history with boys either. Anyway at this point we had just been dating two months, but when I looked into his eyes I thought he was the love of my life and I thought he felt the same, now I know different.

          When I was in grade five and my mom told me where babies came from I made a decision to save myself for marriage and I had every intention of doing so, but he eventually convinced me to change my mind. I’ll spare the details, but he was the first person I’ve ever been with. I hate to stereotype girls as meek emotional beings that depend on the superior male, but from my experience, girls are much more invested in the relationship after they’ve slept together than men are (or in this case immature boys). After we did “the deed,” I assumed we would eventually get married. I know it sounds stupid because I was only in grade nine at the time, but he was my first love and my head was clouded with romance and love.

         One day after school he asked me to go to his house because his parents we out of town. I had a test the next day so I should’ve went home and studied, but I decided that I don’t need an education because Josh can support me when he makes it to the NHL. We didn’t make it back to his house before we started making out in a dark abandoned alley and preceded to make love because apparently that was something we did regularly now. As I started to redress myself, he confidently said, “look we need to talk”, but I wasn’t worried because I knew how much he loved me. It turns out, I was wrong because he proceeded to tell me it isn’t working out because I’m “not hot enough” and I’m “too clingy.” I didn’t hear anything he said after that, partly because I fainted and partly because of how much it hurt to hear the one person I loved didn’t love me back. The fifteen minute car ride to my house felt like it was over two hours long. I think he was trying to talk to me on the way back, but I was still in shock and if I would’ve tried to talk I probably would’ve thrown up.

         I’m not going to lie, this completely wrecked me. I had no friends to talk to because I was ignoring them for the past two months so I didn’t leave my bed for sixth days and fell way behind in school. On the fifth day of self-prescribed bed rest I messaged my old best friend and eventually convinced her to give me another chance and on the 6th day I ate two full meals. Life slowly started to put itself back in place and I was able to move on.

       I’m thirty two now and just had my first child with my husband Ryan. Her name is Violet Adele Prise. Josh never made it to the NHL and currently works at a local corner store and still hasn’t dated anyone since high school. Out of every failed relationship there’s always one lesson taught and this relationship taught me to never let my daughter date a hockey boy.